LIVING AN AUTHENTIC LIFE

reading this right now.
still blows my mind how i have in ever-so-subtle ways attempted to live the life that people would have me live, versus the one that feels real to me. i know there are some who would say i sabotaged myself or “made a wrong turn” at the many junctures in my life, but that would be according to THEIR vision for me. not my vision for myself. i wouldn’t have to look too much further than at my own life to see that the choices i have made have been the best ones…for me. this book supports the part of me that wrote the song “would not come” on “supposed former infatuation junkie” and then some…

“Would Not Come” Lyrics

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to

if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment

if I am famous then maybe i’ll feel good in this skin

if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect

i would throw a party still it would not come

i would bike run swim and still it would not come

i’d go travelling and still it would not come

I would starve myself and still it would not come

if I’m masculine I will be taken more seriously

if I take a break it would make me irresponsible

if i’m elusive I will surely be sought after often

if I need assistance then I must be incapable

i’d be filthy rich and still

it would not come

I would seduce them and still

it would not come

I would drink vodka and still

it would not come

i’d have an orgasm still

it wouldn’t come

if I accumulate knowledge

i’ll be inpenetrable

if I am aloof no one will know

when they strike a nerve

if I keep my mouth shut the boat

will not have to be rocked

if I am vulnerable I will be

trampled upon

i would go shopping and still

it would not come

i’d leave the country and still

it would not come

i would scream and rebel still

it would not come

i would stuff my face and still

it would not come

i’d be productive and still it would not come

i’d be celebrated still it would not come

i’d be the hero and still it would not come

i’d renunciate and still it would not come