Alanis returns to her podcast this month with an interview with Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems.
Subscribe on iTunes now and stay tuned for the next episode coming next month. Below are the references discussed in this podcast:
Internal Family Systems Therapy
You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For
Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model
The Center for Self Leadership
Chart referred to in the podcast:
Join Alanis this September for the Kaaboo Del Mar Festival where she will be performing along with other artists such as P!NK, Garbage, Muse and more. Passes can be purchased here.
Alanis has always been drawn to lines and cuts and fabrics and colors that elicit great swoon and self-definition in the wearing of the often painstakingly gorgeous process of creating a to-be-worn magnum opus. Designers who honor their creative integrity also have the power to spark social change; pushing us to open our own worldview.
Today, we here at Alanis.com are celebrating a mix of classic and contemporary fashion designers who’ve dazzled and inspired us with their work.
1. Halston
Synonymous with disco-era glamour and luxury fashion, Roy Halston Frowick (known simply as “Halston”) originally made a name for himself as an extraordinary hat maker. Perhaps his most iconic piece was Jacqueline Kennedy’s now-famous pillbox hat, which earned him a spot among America’s fashion elite. But the eccentric artist was also a prolific apparel designer, reimagining classic garments like the jumpsuit and shirtdress. At the height of the 1970s, his pieces were regular staples at Studio 54, donned by everyone from Elizabeth Taylor to Andy Warhol. Today, the brand lives on under new leadership (Halston lost his battle with AIDS in 1990), but the label remains a mainstay of classic Americana.
2. Chanel
Is it possible to celebrate fashion greats without mentioning Coco Chanel? The forward-thinking designer redefined women’s fashion with her signature garments; each one dripping with elegance and grace, while still being comfortable enough for the modern woman to enjoy. (We have Chanel to thank for the little black dress.) She was also daring enough to reinterpret the men’s suit for the female frame. Her legacy is largely defined by the Chanel suit, which was a radical departure from the traditional women’s garments of the 1920s. The move pushed the evolution of feminine apparel in an entirely new direction.
3. Phoebe Philo
Phoebe Philo has been the creative force behind legendary fashion house Céline since 2008, but her resume reveals a much more expansive story. Known for her minimalist take on women’s fashion, Philo was also a mainstay at Chloé for nearly a decade before stepping down to prioritize her family and devote her time to motherhood. She reentered the fashion scene when she took the helm at Céline, revolutionizing the brand in the process (particularly in the handbag division). The two-time British Designer of the Year recipient is easily one of today’s leading designers.
4. Rodarte
The powerhouse duo behind Rodarte are sisters Laura and Kate Mulleavy, who founded the label back in 2005. Not much time had passed before the California-bred sisters gained national attention for their rich, multilayered designs. The industry favorites are often celebrated for being fashion outsiders whose work reflects more of an everyday girl’s take on high couture. That’s not to say their pieces are any less artistic or elevated; quite the opposite, in fact. If anything, it makes their collections more unique. The pair, who created some of the beautifully intricate costumes for the hit film “Black Swan,” were also presented with honorary doctorate degrees from San Francisco’s Academy of Art University earlier this year.
5. Timo Weiland
Timo Weiland, along with co-designers Donna Kang and Alan Eckstein, have been churning out playful designs since 2010. The eponymously named brand is lauded for its preppy wearability, describing itself as “modern prep meets streetwear.” The label, which recently made headlines with a Banana Republic partnership, designs and creates all of its pieces in New York City—giving them a refined grittiness that makes them all the more attractive.
6. Ellen Van Dusen
Bold, eclectic and truly diverse, designer Ellen Van Dusen’s vibrant collections have made her a standout in the fashion scene—and with good reason. Blending geometric patterns and quirky silhouettes since 2010, her line (Dusen Dusen) reflects a kind of warm, kitschy feel that has come to be her signature vibe. Bright, whimsical and unexpected, Van Dusen’s unusual and idiosyncratic point of view definitely comes through in her garments.
7. Stella McCartney
Stella McCartney barely needs an introduction; her sleek, modern garments speak for themselves. The fashion industry icon has also carved out a space for herself as an activist, speaking up for animal advocacy. (She has taken a hard line against leather and fur, flat-out refusing to work with them.) McCartney prides herself on sustainability, creating garments using only responsible materials—something that makes her that much more inspiring as an artist. In the meantime, her pieces are a beacon of contemporary femininity.
8. Gogo Graham
In a culture that’s finally starting to transcend gender barriers and embrace the idea of the true self, Gogo Graham is making a name for herself as a pioneering transgender fashion designer. Her design sensibility is one of trans-femininity; one that reexamines the expected, replacing it with honest elements that better reflect our evolving culture. As Graham told The Huffington Post in a 2015 interview, “Fashion is a reflection of the current state of things, not the other way around.” That being said, her garments are both raw and revolutionary.
9. Alexander McQueen
One of the most renowned designers of our time, Alexander McQueen left his mark on the fashion world as a distinguished artist and creative maverick. While known best for running the Alexander McQueen label, he also earned his stripes as head designer at fashion house Givenchy. All the while, his work always had an emotional edge; his garments doubled as a vehicle for storytelling on the runway. The legacy McQueen left behind reflects an artist who chose authenticity over conformity. McQueen took his own life in 2010, but the brand lives on under creative director Sarah Burton. It was Burton who designed the now-famous wedding dress worn by Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge.
10. Demna Gvasalia
Not long ago, designer Demna Gvasalia was best known in fashion circles as one of the founders of Vetements, an independent fashion house that’s been elevating Paris street fashion since its inception. Today, he wears two hats—one of them being the new Creative Director of Balenciaga. He recently debuted his first collection, which subtly mixed his signature streetwear style with the high-end Balenciaga luxury we’ve come to know and love. In other words, it seems as though Gvasalia just might bring the brand into exciting new territory.
11. Dries Van Noten
Most luxury fashion designers aren’t known for keeping low profiles, but, then again, Dries Van Noten isn’t like most luxe designers. The Belgian red-carpet darling, who famously shies away from flashy industry parties and sticks strictly to ready-to-wear (no couture, here), relies solely on his unique design aesthetic and creative bravery. Van Noten’s Spring 2017 collection is a fine example of his artistry in motion. The garments are all at once soft with an underlying masculinity; traditionally feminine floral prints paired with manic, metallic embellishments, all working in beautiful contrast. Wonderfully eccentric, Van Noten is revered for delivering radical designs to the masses without compromising his artistic integrity.
“I think creativity is a reflection of your environment, of things that you feel, things that are happening in the world…” he recently told The New York Times.
12. NewbarK
The NewbarK team, comprised of sisters Maryam and Marjan Malakpour, continues to churn out deliciously modern takes on classic shoes and handbags. They’re perhaps best known for their loafers, which represent an elevated departure from the expected; simultaneously minimalistic, and forward-thinking and sophisticated yet still preserving their traditional inspiration. The sisters, who first made a name for themselves as celebrity stylists, run the L.A.-based line with a simplistic, ultra-contemporary eye. This design philosophy rings true in the luxury brand’s other offerings, which include super-flat sandals and slides, 1970s hippie-chic wedges, luscious ankle boots, and their ever-timeless hip pouch. It isn’t difficult to see why NewbarK has such a loyal following.
In this episode, Alanis talks with Howard Gardner about his theory of multiple intelligences.
Subscribe on iTunes now and stay tuned for the next episode coming next month.
Below are some books by Howard Gardner and outlets which are referenced in the podcast:
Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences
Multiple Intelligences: New Horizons in Theory and Practice
The Unschooled Mind: How Children Think and How Schools Should Teach
Truth, Beauty, and Goodness Reframed: Educating the Virtues in the Age of Truthiness and Twitter
Cyndi Dale is a renowned author, scholar, speaker, healer, and intuitive consultant. The author of over twenty acclaimed books and winner of four internationally recognized publisher’s awards, Cyndi’s books include the bestseller The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy. Cyndi is a gifted teacher, offering workshops and training programs around the country. Her signature Apprenticeship Program begins again in 2017.
Alanis.com: Cyndi, you wrote one of the seminal books on subtle energy with The Subtle Body and have been an intuitive counselor for over two decades. When did you first discover your intuitive and psychic abilities?
Cyndi: When I was a little girl, I was very sensitive and attuned to different kinds of subtle energies—from ghosts and angels to colors, sensations, and feelings. I didn’t know what to call it then. Some people called me psychic, spiritual, or just “unusual” — otherwise known as weird.
I remember my dad coming home from work. I could tell what mood he was in depending on what colors were emanating from him, which I could see with my eyes. I knew when my parents were going to fight because I could see a reddish energy between them just before they would start arguing. I knew when my mom was in a good mood because of the colors surrounding her. Every so often, my hands would get really hot, and I would later discover that somebody in the family had been coming down with an illness at that time. I was sensing their physical distress and wanting to send them healing energy.
I thought all of this was normal. It was how I felt the world, saw the world, and knew the world. And I was really honest about it — didn’t hold back talking about it. I lived in my own little bubble for a long time. I was fine with myself, and my parents were okay with it too because, for the most part, they thought I was just making things up.
Alanis.com: Did the bubble eventually burst?
Cyndi: It did. I am a “Wonder Bread”-raised Norwegian Lutheran. And when I was about 8 years old, my family went through a big “Pentecostal” type of movement. We were attending church every week, and suddenly my sensitivities and abilities went from being considered odd to being outright bad. People like me were seen as being infected by demons or the devil, and so that is when I started to feel like I really was doing something wrong.
When I was about 10 years old, a Pentecostal minister who specialized in exorcisms visited my Sunday school group. I remember him talking to us about evil spirits and how they could make objects fly around a room. I remember thinking, “Gosh, I have done that.” When I was really little I would sometimes levitate objects. So although a part of me wished I could do that again, another part of me was thinking, “Oh dear, I must be doing something really bad.”
Alanis.com: How did that period change you?
Cyndi: I stopped sharing what I saw and sensed. I stopped talking. I went internal and hid. I was still “odd,” but usually in the privacy of my own room. For example, I remember pretending that I was a shaman-healer in an indigenous community from long ago. I would dance around my room chanting while my parents wondered, “What is wrong with this child?” Every so often it would burst out, but as time went on I did become more and more introverted.
I really shut the gift down when I was 12 years old. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” I would say to myself. And one day I had had enough. I told my parents, “I am done, I am leaving.” What would you do with a child like that? Honestly! I think they thought I was going to pack a bag and strike out on my own. Since they knew I wouldn’t make it very far, they basically ignored me. But I became deathly ill, losing several pounds within less than three days. I didn’t want to stay in a world that didn’t include spirit or joy. It was a very sad time.
About three nights into this sickness, I literally left my body. I looked down at the little 12-year-old body, and I thought “I am outta here.” I started leaving through the ceiling, and I heard this voice say, “Uh, excuse me, you can’t leave.”
“But I am!” I said.
And the voice said, “Well, you haven’t done anything.”
“Well, I don’t want to!” I argued.
I didn’t win the argument. I remember returning to my body and being so mad about it. I decided that I wasn’t going to use my gifts anymore. And I did stop using them until I was 20 years old. Those teen years were horrible. I struggled with co-dependency, I had food issues. I was just really in agony without those parts of myself and had no one to talk to about what I was going through.
Alanis.com: What started to turn it around for you at 20 years old?
Cyndi: Therapy. Working with a therapist gave me permission to go for my gifts. After a lot of processing and talking about all these experiences, one day she looked at me and said, “There’s more going on here. I don’t think you can simply be labeled as co-dependent, OCD, or as having a dissociative disorder. I also think you’re psychic.” That burst me open. I remembered who I used to be and began to feel excited that maybe I could open to that again. That started a renewal of my psychic gifts, and I began my search for training.
Alanis.com: What were the first stops in your search?
Cyndi: I began to read lots of books on psychic phenomenon and related subjects. I took a hands-on healing class, and that helped me to understand the colors that I had seen when I was a child. I learned that they emanated specifically from the subtle energy organs called chakras and the energy field around the body called the auric field.
While I was learning about energy, I also started traveling the world. At that time in America, there was so little understanding of spirit and the spiritual gifts. Some knowledge existed, of course, but it was rudimentary and rule-bound. And so I traveled to Belize, Peru, Venezuela, and Japan. I learned from various indigenous healers about how they work with plants, how they work with animals, how they work with spirit guides, how they interpret colors. My best training happened in the jungle, on the savannah, in the mountains where the people had kept alive the knowledge of what we now call subtle energy and subtle energy practices. What awakened me was learning from people who have never forgotten.
Alanis.com: Was there a particular place and culture that you really fell in love with?
Cyndi: Yes, it was amongst the Amazonian Peruvians. I spent several weeks in the jungles along the Amazon, at different times, working with shamans who remember that the earth is alive. They remember that there is a soul.
I learned techniques that awakened my inner vision and helped me see the world with more than my physical eyes alone. It confirmed what I sensed, that the world we really inhabit is so much more beautiful that what suburban America is conditioned to believe. And the people there lived it in their everyday.
I remember interviewing a shaman and asking him, “Why do you do what you do? Why are you a healer? Why do you work with plants? Why do you work with these healing techniques?” I was full of questions! He said, “It is simple. It is because it helps them be happier.”
I think that absolutely summarizes the reason that we work with the invisible realms — so that people can live as the embodiment of the spirit that they are; so they can make effective, life-giving decisions in their everyday lives. It’s not all about the excitement of past lives and the other side. It is about the here and the now.
Alanis.com: How does cultivating an understanding of energy — subtle energies especially — affect our relationships?
Cyndi: The whole purpose of learning about energies is about relationship: our relationship with ourselves, with others, with the Divine. And energy is intimately woven into our capacities for empathy, which I know we’ll get into further here. But, in the end, it is all about relationships and bonding, and empathy allows for that to happen and to flourish.
Alanis.com: How do you define energy? And what is the distinction between energy and subtle energy?
Cyndi: Energy is simply information that moves, or information that vibrates. That is it. Einstein said it forever-ago. Everything is made out of energy. And it is the vibrational information of an object — or a thought, or an emotion — that defines what it is and explains how it can do what it does.
There are two basic types of energy — and you can even say, speeds of energy. There is physical energy, which is relatively measurable. That is the stuff of the material world that we learn about in biology class and that we think of as real. And there is subtle energy, which is information that is less measurable and tends to move faster than what is concrete.
I believe physical energy can turn into subtle energy (psychic or spiritual energy) and subtle energy into physical. An example would be a tumor that physically develops with the subtle energies of negative thoughts and repressed emotions. But that same tumor can potentially disappear with the power of positive thoughts.
Alanis.com: Are colors some of the types of “information that moves”? Are they different expressions of vibrations?
Cyndi: Absolutely. Everything in this world is constantly vibrating. The body itself is not solid, although it appears to be. There is vast space between each of the countless billions of atoms and sub-atomic particles that comprise our human bodies. And everything is vibrating at different speeds and levels of refinement. The vibrating information of colors, sounds, shapes, and perception — and their unique qualities and characteristics — makes up the fundamental building blocks that create what it is that we see, touch, smell, or hear.
As human being, we have a shared sense of what sadness feels like or what the color pink means because they are measurements of vibrations that don’t require that we speak the same language or fully understand each other’s culture. When we think about the color red, we think about passion or power or anger or another kind of exciting dynamic. When we think of yellow, it conjures optimism and cheerfulness and the activity of thought.
Another way to view our physical bodies is seeing that we are vibrating lights, vibrating rainbows, really. We emanate the energies of colors that correspond to specific areas of the physical body — red energy, orange energy, yellow energy, green energy, blue energy, etc. These energies simultaneously correspond to the energy bodies referred to as the chakras, which I know many of your readers are familiar with. The chakras are part of our subtle energy anatomy, which also includes the energy channels (the meridians or nadis) and the energy fields (the auric field).
So these vibrating and colorful bands of energy synchronize with the functioning of the physical body, our thoughts, our feelings and emotions, and our way of being.
Alanis.com: You have written several books specifically on the chakras. How much does working with the chakras figure in to the work you do with your private clients?
Cyndi: I constantly use the chakras. My knowledge of them works for me as a kind of cheat sheet, it helps me to quickly zero in on what might be going on and see potential causes (past and present). I look to them to see what might be missing; what might be blocked; what might be needed; and what the person can do about it.
Alanis.com: Before we move on from color, what is your favorite color?
Cyndi: Pink is one of the best colors! It is not just for Valentine’s Day. Pink is a combination of red energy, which is very physically powerful, and white energy, which is spiritual. When you put together physical power and passion with the purity and higher consciousness of white, you have pink. You have the real definition of love. Love always takes into account physical safety and well-being while acknowledging the higher knowing of our spirituality.
Alanis.com: How does energy relate to consciousness?
Cyndi: Energy by itself is neutral. Consider coffee, which is composed of a specific set of vibrating energy. That coffee would not be grown, picked, packaged, bought, brewed, or drunk unless there were conscious beings performing those activities. Consciousness directs energy. It is the steering wheel of “decided awareness” that directs both subtle and physical energies. Through perception, attention, and intention, consciousness determines what happens or what doesn’t happen.
Alanis.com: Do you relate consciousness to God?
Cyndi: I do. And although I use the word “God,” I also believe it doesn’t matter what we call God — because if God is really God, this being is not going to be sitting around quizzing people on names and their correct spellings. To me, there is an ultimate supreme consciousness, whether we label it as Brahma or Allah or Jehovah or Quan Yin or Higher Power. Almost every tradition and approach I have studied talks about this supreme consciousness as love, as grace.
So I do believe there is a God, yes. And I think we’re all interconnected because God is everything and is in everyone. But I think of God as being bigger than all of us combined as well.
Alanis.com: Are some people more attuned to subtle energy than others?
Cyndi: First of all, I think everybody is attuned to energy. So then the question is, what type of energy they are open to sensing? Going back to the distinction of physical and subtle energies, some people are physically-based and tuned in to physical energies. They notice what the wind feels like, what the ground beneath their feet feels like. They’re tactile. They are they ones who are going to pitch the tent in the woods or catch the football and bring it over the line. It doesn’t mean they are completely un-attuned to subtle energy; they are just more focused on physical energy.
Many of us are more attuned to the subtle or spiritual energies, of which there are many different types. Maybe you attune to emotional energies, which can be felt. Have you ever been with a friend who looks happy, but you know they are really sad? Other people are more inclined to tune into others’ motivations or mental energies, or perhaps the physical sensations in another’s body or the nature of their relational lives.
Some of us are sensitive to other beings — spirits, angels, and invisible beings (from the positive to the negative end of the spectrum). Some of us are in sync with animals. So I would say that we’re all attuned to energy; it’s a matter of what gradient and what type.
In general, for those of us who are attuned to invisible or inaudible energies, it can be more difficult to comprehend and to work with them because we’re not taught about subtle energies in school. We don’t know what to do with the invisible. And we may not know how to distinguish whether what we’re sensing is ours or something that we’re picking up on from someone else.
Alanis.com: What is dark energy?
Cyndi: In general, the word I like to use to describe dark energy is interference — whatever is interfering with our natural way of being. Sometimes the interference is coming from others, and sometimes we are interfering with ourselves!
Almost every culture talks about some kind of dark force, whether it is referred to as the devil, demons, ghosts, or evil itself — invisible beings or entities that are interfering in our lives. There are many levels of these beings or forces, from weak to powerful, from annoying nasty to downright coercive. We might also hold darkness inside of ourselves. Essentially, darkness represents the part of ourselves or others that has forgotten that we’re connected to a higher source that yearns to nurture us, to nourish us, to love us. When the disconnection from the light cuts deep enough, we can come to believe that we have to steal our light from others. This simple definition allows for complex causes, ranging from having been abused to having been so abusive that we don’t want to turn to the source of the light for help.
I think it’s important to remember how much we suffer when we lose our connection to the Divine and its light. Basically, we then lose our power, and in turn, attempt to take it from others. I can think of many times that I’ve been hurtful and even cruel to people, and to myself, in an attempt to feel empowered at some level.
Alanis.com: In your work as a teacher and counselor, do you focus at all on the causal aspects of energy awareness and empathic abilities?
Cyndi: I frequently look at causal factors with people. They tell an important story. Childhood is a huge predictor of what we’re going to be sensitive to or aware of energetically. For instance, if dad was always angry, our early days may have had us on high alert, vigilantly watching for signs of his anger and (without knowing we were doing it) figuring out intricate ways of sensing when it was going to blow. We discovered what to do just before he would go into a rage, some way to decrease the tension in the family or to retreat — or maybe both. And then we brought those sensitivities and strategies into adulthood where we could employ them to decrease tensions that happen in our current-day relationships. So energy awareness is often established within us for survival reasons.
I believe in past lives, too. Somebody may have been really open and psychic in a past life and suffered for it, and so they may be extremely sensitive in this lifetime, too, with the same gift. Or, because they were tortured or rejected for that gift in the earlier lifetime, they might completely block their energetic awareness.
There are also agreements we make, at a certain level of consciousness, as to our role in the family. Maybe we’ve taken on the role of “the feeler,” feeling everybody’s else’s emotions and not knowing how to get to our own. Or we sense all the spirits in the family and believe that it’s our job to be the medium and manage the influx of information from the invisible world.
There is often a causal set of reasons, if not one singular reason, that determine our sensitivities. Ultimately, we want to select our sensitivities based on only healthy reasons. We don’t want to take on everyone else’s anger just to help the family or attune to the deceased to merely assist our loved ones. Our gifts need to serve us as well as others. We figure this out by tracking backwards to see if there is a motivation for our sensitivities that is unhealthy or damaging. Typically, if we heal the initial survival-oriented motivation, we can find new ways to embrace and use our sensitivities that are healthy for ourselves and for other people.
Alanis.com: What is another example of the agreements we subconsciously make with our families that affect us energetically, and physically?
Cyndi: I have worked with clients who are constantly sick, which also describes me in my youth. I had at least twenty allergies when I was growing up. I was miserable all of the time, and everyone in my family wanted to keep me at a distance because I was often sneezing, coughing, taking allergy medication, and basically miserable.
When I started going to therapy, my therapist said to me, “I think some of those allergies are not yours. You may want to look at whether you ‘took them on’ — adopting them in an attempt to keep your family well.” She picked up on something that was going on deep in my psyche. My family had so many problems, I believed that if I took on all the allergies then everybody else would feel better — and they would in turn take better care of me. Gaining this awareness as a young adult — of how my child self was trying to have her needs met — was relieving and healing for me. All of the allergies eventually disappeared, except one, as I continued to look at issues related to my intuitive and empathic nature with my therapist.
Alanis.com: Have you seen this level of energetic sensitivity in your own children?
Cyndi: I have. I remember a situation that happened when my youngest son, Gabe, was in third grade. As I was seeing my therapist one day, he was in class at school. I was releasing a very significant issue from my childhood that day. It was associated with a lot of anger, which I saw as that big red energy — subtle energy, yes — but potent! It was affecting my lower hip and back area. I got a call from the school nurse about an hour after my session informing me that Gabe had thrown his back out — and it happened during that time I was working with my therapist on the same spot! Third graders do not throw out their backs sitting in chairs, it just doesn’t happen. Gabe, who can be a sponge when it comes to emotions and energy, took on my energy — not knowing what he was doing, of course. At a deeper level, he was wanting to help out his mom. I had a talk with him later on that day where I said, “You don’t need to take care of Mom. I can take care of myself. That’s not your job. It is okay for you to just take care of yourself.” His back pain cleared up right away after we talked.
Alanis.com: Do you work with clients who have been clinically assessed and diagnosed with mood disorders — like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc. — to become free of those symptoms?
Cyndi: Often! One particular woman stands out in my mind right now. She had been depressed her entire life, and everything began to change for the better with one simple consideration: “Maybe it is not your depression.”
I asked her, “Who in your family do you think was really depressed?”
“My dad.” She didn’t hesitate.
We did a simple exercise to release that energy, careful to not send it back to her dad so he would become miserable but to give it to his higher self to transmute. She called me two days later saying, “I have been happy! I don’t know what to do with myself. My entire life I have been miserable. And THIS is a brand new feeling. I feel almost miserable being happy!”
I think the wonderful things is that we all like taking care of each other. But sometimes we go too far.
Alanis.com: What do you see as a universally helpful tool for moving beyond blockages — obstacles in our relationships, with our manifesting abilities, etc.? For example, how do you respond to people who say, “I really want to fall in love, so how come I’m not meeting anyone?” Or, “I know that I deserve to make more money, so why isn’t it happening?”
Cyndi: I think it’s helpful to remember that we’re on this planet with a lot of other beings, each with their own intentions, desires, needs, wounds, dreams, etc. And, most importantly, there are different parts of our own selves influencing outcomes. There might be a part of us that is canceling out a wish at another level of our consciousness, saying, “I am perfectly happy not dating. I think I am going to skip that one for a while.”
There are a lot of complexities in all of this. And while I think it’s essential to do the psychological, inner work of looking at the various layers of what’s going on, it’s also important to remember the power of surrender. Sometimes we get in the way of our own well-being, and sometimes the well-being of others. But we can just stop the good fight and say, “Okay, I surrender. I ask for something bigger than me alone to help me now.”
Alanis.com: How do you define empathy?
Cyndi: Empathy is one of our three main spiritual or intuitive gifts. These three subtle gifts also include clairaudience and clairvoyance. Clairaudience is the ability to receive guidance or wisdom from the spirit world through words or sounds. And clairvoyance is the ability to see, to perceive with our mind’s eye, information or clear guidance. The information or guidance can be about the past, the present, or the future. I think that we are all capable of these three types of abilities — that they can be cultivated and strengthened.
Empathy is really a body-based way of knowing and connecting. It is sensing and feeling through the body what is going on outside of ourselves — with other people, with animals, with other beings. When we talk about empathy, we are really talking about an invisible means of being bonded or interconnected; we’re talking about a way to love.
Alanis.com: What compelled you to write a book specifically about empathy — The Spiritual Power of Empathy?
Cyndi: I wrote it because I believe that a huge percentage of our problems originate from poor empathic boundaries. When it comes to certain issues, emotional struggles, and painful feelings, I hear every day from people who can’t figure out what is theirs and what is not theirs. I wanted to help people untangle the psychological-emotional knot and increase their understanding and compassion … for themselves and others.
Alanis.com: What advice do you have for establishing boundaries that allow empathy to flower and grow?
Cyndi: Here’s where I would start: For everyone, but especially for those of us who are very sensitive energetically, it’s important to ask ourselves where in our lives there is too much going on. Are you over-stimulated, over-involved, over-anxious, over-emotional? Where is there a sense of overwhelm? Any time there is an “over” going on, the most important thing is to go is stop, tune in, and ask ourselves, “Is this all my energy?” We will get an answer, our wise self will know. I believe that most of the time when we just can’t tolerate what is going on it is because it is not our energy — or not ours alone. There is a magic that happens as soon as we stop, inquire within, and acknowledge this. Usually the body starts to right itself. We immediately start to feel calmer or more contained. That’s step one.
Step two is to ask for help. Ask your higher self or spirit or God to support you in dealing with it. “Please take from me the energy that is not mine, and help me be or feel who I am right now.” Those two simple steps are immensely powerful.
Alanis.com: Do some of us get so overly-sensitive to energies that we actually become numb to feeling and sensing?
Cyndi: Yes. Some people become under-energized and sense very little in and around themselves. This can happen when it wasn’t safe for them to have their own reality when they were growing up, or there was so much overstimulation in the environment that they closed down. They often benefit greatly by having therapeutic support to explore their earliest experiences of bonding and safety, as well as the beliefs and internal messages they hold about their ability to connect and to be safe in this world.
Alanis.com: How can we cultivate empathy in a narcissistic world?
Cyndi: A narcissistic personality is actually somebody who did not get their needs met when they were growing up. At a point in their development when everything was supposed to be all about them, it wasn’t about them at all. Their needs — or at least some of their most important needs — were overshadowed by variations of neglect: overwork, addiction, and sometimes abuse. So we have a lot of people walking around who never were given—age appropriately—the opportunity and the gift to be focused on. The narcissistic aspect of us is hungry for attention, consideration, and high regard.
Some people compensate for these early losses by becoming overly empathic with others, becoming co-dependents to narcissists. They are often my clients. They grow up ignoring their own needs because safety came from figuring out what everybody else was thinking and feeling, what others needed — and then attempting to meet those needs.
Two sides of the same neglected coin. But the cure is the same. It changes everything when we look within ourselves with honesty:
Who am I … on the inside?
What needs am I trying have met (by my partner, my child, my professional standing, my Facebook community, my Instagram account, etc.)?
And what clues does that give me to needs that weren’t met in my childhood that I’ve been hungry for all along?
Paradoxically, we can’t really be empathic until we have a self. And we have to figure out who and what the self really is. That takes self-honesty and self-responsibility. Until then, we’re trying to make others focus on the appearance of the self, not the self. As we grow our self-compassion and self-empathy, it is natural to start caring for other people.
Alanis.com: At the risk of oversimplifying, is the longing for the self what brings people to your work?
Cyndi: In part, yes. People call me because they are in a crisis of some kind — the beautiful kind of crises that I think crack us open and lead to spiritual breakthroughs. For me, it’s really quite evenly divided between health, relationships, and work or career. People call because they are in health crisis or a loved one is in a health crisis. That could be anything from an acute illness or sudden accident to a chronic food addiction. They come to me when they either want a relationship and don’t have it, or they’re in one and don’t want it anymore. Work and career crises often come up when a person is seeking to understand their purpose—so it goes deeper than job title or income bracket.
Underneath all of that, it really boils down to relationship. How are you relating to yourself? How are you relating to others? And how are you letting the divine relate to you?
Alanis.com: What are your favorite tools of divination and healing?
Cyndi: I have two super simple tools that I use all of the time, which is ironic since I teach classes that involve a multiplicity of techniques and tools. But I always tell people that there are really only two that you need.
The first tool I call “Spirit-to-Spirit.” I use this at the beginning of every session. It simply involves affirming my own essence, affirming the essence of my client and their invisible helpers (their spirit guides and angels), and then turning everything over to the Greater Spirit. With that, it’s not about my agenda or even the client’s agenda; it is about Spirit’s agenda. Sometimes when I’m teaching, I see my students waiting for and expecting something more complicated than that, but that is the entire technique.
Spirit-to-Spirit is used by many types of practitioners — chiropractors, massage therapists, energy healers, etc., but you can use it for anything, at any time. If you start your day affirming your own spiritual essence and the essence of those you will encounter throughout your day — and turn it all over to Source — I swear that your day will go more smoothly. Whatever you need to know, you will just know. Whatever needs to happen, it will happen.
The second technique I use is a healing technique. So let’s say I have done Spirit-to-Spirit, and I receive intuitive information for somebody (or they get it for themselves) and we want to invite a real shift — a transformation. Then I call on “Healing Streams of Grace,” that is my phrase for remembering and affirming that God is continually sending grace into this world … and into us. Anything you need — clarity, warmth, light, love — is available at anytime.
And it keeps me clear: When I’m working with a client, I — Cyndi Dale — am not the one who’s picking and choosing what they need to receive or how they need to receive it. I am trusting the Greater Spirit to bring to them what is going to work best for them, and to know when it’s time for a shift, when it’s time for their challenge to transform or drop away.
In my personal life, I also call Healing Streams of Grace my “Target Technique.” When I’m shopping at Target (or any big store), I can feel barraged by other people’s emotions, the conflict their having with their partner or best friend, the fluorescent lights, the chemicals in products and cleaners. I mean, I used to walk through Target and be a basket-case by the time I left because I could sense all of these things. But what I do now is invoke help. “Okay, God, just send healing streams to anyone or anything around me that needs it, because I don’t personally need to get involved. Unless you call on me, I am off-duty. I am shopping.” And it works!
More of the subtleties, nuances, and ways to use these two techniques are outlined in my book The Subtle Body Practice Manual: A Comprehensive Guide to Energy Healing.
Alanis.com: What are your favorite tips for raising our vibration?
Cyndi: Without a doubt, I would recommend the two techniques we just discussed. I would encourage people to use Spirit-to-Spirit and learn how to apply Healing Streams of Grace, because they are two sides of the coin. Spirit-to-Spirit helps you to affirm the best part of yourself and hold yourself there. It helps you affirm the best part of others so you can meet from the highest place.
If somebody is not acting maturely toward you (they’re blaming, judging, projecting), you’ll be holding a high resonance, and that will help you to decide what to do about it in a kind and healthy way. For example, let’s say you want to yell at your ex-husband or the person who just snagged the parking spot; you’re triggered and about to do something that you’re not “supposed” to do. You can use Spirit-to-Spirit to affirm that you’re relating from essence. And then you can ask for Healing Streams of Grace to intervene. You’re not interfering in their life, you are just asking for the best for them and you.
Both of these tools will help you to continually bring the Greater Spirit into your world, your body, your mind, and your soul, which will continually raise your vibration—and your consciousness—to the highest level.
Alanis.com: Have you found applications for empathy that have surprised you?
Cyndi: Most of us would never think of empathy and sports in the same breath, but I have to say, I am having the time of my life using my empathic gift to support my son, Gabe, who is now 17. He’s going for a career in baseball, and we were recently in Charleston, South Carolina, with his two phenomenal coaches. They are Ryan Morris, who used to be with the Cleveland Indians, and Brandon Thielk, who is also a baseball player as well as an energetic and nutritional expert. Because they integrate knowledge of subtle energy, they were able to take his pitching velocity from 75-80 miles per hour to 88-90 in a year.
Brandon surprised me one day when Gabe was working with him and Ryan. He said, “Hey, would you mind being a part of this coaching process? I am going to give Gabe examples of potential problems on the field, and if you could then tune into his body and figure out where he is blocked and what is blocking him, that might help him to release it.”
It was the coolest thing! I sat there all day sensing the blocks, sensing the issues, and supporting Gabe to move through them. Gabe is a pitcher, and so of course I looked at his throwing arm and worked with him to clear out certain blocks there. Almost instantly he would throw better. With various physical and mental situations, I would empathically tune in: What’s the resistance? Where did he get stuck — what was happening then that may still be affecting him? What energy is needed in place of the energy that is being released?
As his mother, I did have an insider’s advantage that helped me to sense things quickly, knowing about blocks that actually relate to me and to his dad. As an empath and subtle energy healer, it was a fascinating exploration. And our communication has benefited greatly. We’re doing energy work together in a context that is full of purpose and future possibilities for Gabe. I use different subtle energy techniques (like kinesiology, acupoint work, etc.) while talking about obstacles, challenges, and how he might see situations differently — with the gift of empathy as the foundation of all that we’re doing. I am having a blast! Plus, it’s a way that I can be sporty without actually having to move a muscle.
Alanis.com: It’s encouraging that his coaches invited you to participate in this way.
Cyndi: They are the coolest guys in the world. They run a company called The Evolved Athlete. They are all about supporting the athletes who work with them to access the highest level of their being. What a boost for a kid to not only learn how to increase their physical skills but to also learn about the connection between their body, emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. A truly integrative approach.
Alanis.com: What are you most excited about right now in your busy life as an intuitive counselor, healing practitioner, teacher, and tireless researcher?
Cyndi: I recently had a 1,200-page book come out. The title is Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Chakras. It’s everything you have ever wanted to know — or didn’t even think was possible to know — about the chakras. I am so pumped about this book because it is about the chakras across time, from many cultures around the world. It goes far beyond the Hindu chakra system alone. It delves into the spiritual gifts associated with the chakras, as well as the science. I think of it as a magnum opus on the chakras.
I also have a lot of fun trainings coming up around the country too, from the East Coast to the West Coast. My Apprenticeship Program starts up again in February of 2017. I’m leading a class with a cohort in Charlotte in March of 2017 enabling people to connect with the Angel of Miracles. Here in Minneapolis, I teach accredited classes at Normandale College. People travel from out of state and other countries to earn an energy medicine certificate, so I love that.
Alanis.com: Cyndi, thank you for all you do to empower people, to help us understand the extraordinary power of the subtle world.
Cyndi: Thank you! I love how Alanis’s work is evolving, and it’s a joy to be a part of the conversation that this site is inviting.
You can learn more about Cyndi Dale at http://www.cyndidale.com/
